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big break up

I was walking around the supermarket today, looking for pasta (I'm joking, there was none). And I could sense this really pretentious energy all around me. People were scarpering past my trolley, grabbing tinned tomatoes with the most anxious energy I've ever sensed. But their faces were masked with a cocky pretence that they were totally unperturbed by the events of these past few weeks. I could feel tears welling up inside of me, but I tried to choke them down in an attempt to convince myself I wasn't feeling anxious. After my yoga class, our teacher gently wept as she admitted she was heartbroken that the studio needed to close down. And for the first time, I really allowed myself to feel the huge wave of sadness and fear about what is going on. I cried on the walk back as I noticed the declining traffic on the road.


I have friends whose family members aren't well right now. I think of them often and send them healing and love. I have a granny who is the most important person on the planet to me and who will end up bored out of her mind in isolation throughout this chapter. Her whole church community is what kept her going after my grandad's death, so knowing that she won't be able to socialise and keep her spirits up, is really disheartening.


In this pandemic of fear and pain, the media is relentless in making us all feel absolutely awful. We know its not going to be an easy ride, but honestly the news is a crock of shite right now. Its constant bombardment of speculation and panic with very little advice on what to actually do is just fear mongering bullshit which triggers all of us to go into meltdown mode. We are all getting tired of it and in a way, I'm glad we are recognising just how much nonsensical crap they come out with to make money. Once a day is enough. Anymore is self-harm.


So in avoiding the news and spending time in the garden, I started to notice a couple of things that I think might be worth pointing out. They are like the sun creeping out behind a huge gloomy cloud; ready to penetrate the darkness.


1) Right now, people are being forced to come together. Community counts. It doesn't matter about whether the old lady next door voted UKIP or not, she still needs enough baked beans to get her through the next few weeks and you want to help her out. She smiles in gratitude. It doesn't matter if your lesbian neighbour that you disapprove of is kissing her girlfriend in front of your window, you smile acknowledging that she is healthy. These moments provide us with a reminder of how truly interconnected we all are. The duality starts to fade when we look into eachothers eyes and see the same worry reflected back at us. There are big questions. How are we going to get through this? What is going to happen? Will we be okay? I've noticed that we are turning to the people next to us and holding out our hands in desperation for reassurance (not literally, cos you know. The virus). And people are responding with kindness. We are building bridges in this moment of crisis.


2) Mother nature always wins. She is the most powerful force there is. Stopping flights means she gets a break to recover from the constant pollution and destruction we knowingly inflict on her. The air will be cleaner, nature will thrive again. I heard so many birds this morning outside my window. I can't wait to see footage to show how this break makes a difference to our greater environment.


3) Relaxation. Learning how to stop and do nothing. God, it sounds so easy but when it comes to it, our compulsion to be human doings and not human beings can override this really necessary part of evolution. We are terrible in the West at learning how to relax. Everything is so time-based. If we aren't breaking our backs, we punish ourselves. If we aren't on our phones hooked onto the latest social media trend, we panic. If we don't have emails, what the hell do we do!! When we relax, we have to spend time with who we really are and we don't want to do that. But guess what? Maybe this is the world's way of getting us to do that; by forcing us to stay at home and face all of the stuff we have avoided for so long. And relax into that process. Relaxation strengthens the immune system. So with all of the chaos right now, the best thing we can do is breathe, eat lots of berries and Vitamin C rich foods (Sauerkraut is loaded with the stuff) and allow whatever comes up, to come up. Let it go and move into a healing state.

4) Gratitude is a powerful anchor for uncertain times. I am beyond grateful right now that I am in a situation where I have a roof over my head. I have a supportive family and friendship group who I can fall back onto. I have enough resources to see me through. And I will share as much of that love and privilege as I can every single day, whilst this is going on. I am grateful to have had 26 years on this earth so far amidst all of the challenges. I've met some of the most remarkable people and felt I've left a small imprint on the earth.


I'm treating this all like a breakup. It sort of feels the same.

Right now we are separating from our old earth. It feels like the world as we know it is crumbling and in some ways, she is. She served us well but we need to move into to a new dimension. There is something new around the corner. We have to hold onto the light and be there for those who are most vulnerable. To be superheros for our community and to give as much as we can, whilst taking the time to self-heal. We have to get out into nature and remind ourselves of what is important. And as we become even stronger and evolve to a new place, suddenly a new world emerges. We are blown away by how beautiful it is that we forget how to form words. We can take this new compassionate world on a date. Show her around our integrated communities and our vegan planet. Maybe ask if she wants to come back to our hemp covered bed? Sorry.


I am sending you love, light and healing on this bumpy road. You are not alone. If I can do anything, reach out. Peace Queerious team.

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