• Queerious Podcast

i am

My current working environment is a brand new trendy office chockablock with creative and fashionable hustlers who buzz around on three floors; a thousand and one things to do and a thousand and one clients to please. I felt intimidated in my own minor role working on reception and especially self-conscious about my sense of fashion. I bought a new hoodie just for the occasion, which I wear imagining that I’m being cuddled by someone with big bear arms.

Anyway, the big question milling around in my head is this. How do you sit in a space of love and patience when the outer world around you appears to be filled with stress and a much higher level of importance than you value yourself?

One of my favourite things about working in this specific environment, is that when it gets quiet and there aren’t any particular lists to tick off, I can use my time to do whatever I please on the internet. That doesn’t mean I head for Tumblr blogs with Camren theories (just joking, I’ve done that once or twice). My main incentive is to use this gifted time as a way to learn and grow. I’m being paid to soak up like a sponge all I need to know in that moment. So of course, as I was floating amongst the spiritual forums, reading up about enlightened beings, I stumbled heartfirst into the work of Dr Wayne Dyer.

If you don’t know who Dr Wayne is, imagine the most compassionate father-like figure who is great in stature and even bigger in heart. He died a couple of years ago, but his legacy stretches on forever. Plus he didn’t believe in the concept of death, simply that the energy and spirit moves into something else. His presence feels like a superhero cloak around me now and I’m using the vibration of unwavering faith to energise and centre myself.

As I started to read ‘Wishes Fulfilled’ (his book I found online), I could feel my shoulders relaxing, my dog-eared determination to be good enough shrinking and a knowing spread across my whole body. If you can get yourself a copy, I would recommend spending the cash (or downloading a PDF online for free). Dr Wayne reminds us how often we have conditioned ourselves to think of spirit and of God as an external source that is an angry or ferocious being. Or perhaps something that we have to reach outside of ourselves to connect to through prayer. Dr Dyer’s contrasting understanding, is that the true connection to spirit comes from that which is already inside of us. ‘A spark of God’. His teaching and wisdom are an accumulation of the relentless studying of ancient mystics, philosophers and poets from across the world. One particular teaching, is the biblical reflection of what God spoke to Moses in the desert, in the form of a burning bush (don’t be rude…).

I am that I am.

Dr Wayne is emphatic that we monitor how we follow the two very small but very powerful words, ‘I am’. If we are consistently using negative or dis-empowering phrases, for example, ‘I am tired’, ‘I am sick’, ‘I am unlucky’, our subconscious will make an effort to bring more evidence of this belief into our world. It is almost as if each time we avoid sending love towards the ‘I am’, we avoid connecting to our higher selves.

I’ve noticed from my own shift in phraseology in the past few days, just how easy it is to drown out your own potential and bad mouth yourself. The amount of times I caught myself saying ‘I am useless’ this week, blew my mind. Only to find something that I wouldn't know how to solve, rearing it's ugly head.

So with this new found knowledge, I started to understand that the power in spiritual connection is something I can easily dismiss as when I sit in my lower self- or should I say, my egoic self. I get sucked into the chasing, pushing, or moaning and bitching. But when I rediscover the part of me that is my truest essence, I remember that I can manifest my wildest dreams from this space and that everything is bathed in a sort of golden glow. And if you’re interested, my wildest dreams are teeming with abundance, inner peace and love. Contentment in every sense.

The results of sitting in this ‘I am’ presence and feeling love, show up instantly. More reflections of love, relaxation and creativity. Smiles all around me, people’s eyes lighting up. Opportunities manifesting left, right and centre. As my ego starts to creep back in, so do the seeming ‘problems’ and the reels of judgement about myself and others. So it is my conscious decision to relax into this space and remember what I am.

I am love

I am divine energy

I am peace

I am content

I am in perfect health

I am grateful

I am brimming with energy

I am that I am